The smile on my face is a misdirection,
I feel I'm the next to go in the order of natural selection.
I yell loud but it seems this is all irrelevant,
These drugs numb me but I still feel the bedevilments.
Never thought I would be addicted to heroin,
Never thought I would be almost homeless in Baltimore, Maryland.
I've nodded off twice just writing this,
Can't shake this habit 'cuz the feeling got me loving it.
I'm too embarrassed and always stuck in myself,
And I'm too proud to even try and ask for help.
Until I got sober I never realized that this addiction told all these lies,
But in truth it was a long road and a blessing in disguise.
A daunting reality but in all actuality,
I spend most of my time trying to find neutrality.
I been doing this so long I don't think I can do it alone,
'Cuz everywhere I go I'm out of place with nowhere to call home.
I've burnt everything down and taken every loan,
I'm not a bad person but my good side wont ever be known.
I try to collect my thoughts but I'm scared to death,
I can even fathom the idea of what comes next.
So for now I'll continue to live a life that's absurd,
And hope that my cry out for help will be heard.